Somewhere I Belong
by AckaRed
Summary: OC starts wondering ... she doesn't belong there, so why stay? Sort of a dark fic. Rated T as a precaution for the ending.


The puppet twirled around. There was a faint smile on the face of a girl with short blue hair as she flicked her fingers, controlling the puppet with chakra strings the same shade as her hair. Her eyes were darker, but they were filled with happiness.

She attached a couple more chakra strings and made the puppet, the same size as her small stature, stand still and push its hands together. Frowning slightly as she concentrated, the puppet suddenly wiggled its fingers, then made some signs.

"Water Clone Jutsu!" The puppet seemed to shout in a high, innocent voice as the girl's mouth ever so slightly moved. She threw her voice for the puppet – a small boy with dark hair and innocent blue eyes that she called Makoto, meaning sincerity – and it was almost unnoticeable.

Suddenly, three copies of Makoto sprung to life beside him. She controlled them through him, making them get into a rough circle back to back, throwing her voice for them to shout and make signs at the same time. "Water Dragon Jutsu!"

Through the trees came several roars, and from the lake only a few metres away shot four dragons, made entirely of the water that Makoto had controlled while alive. Yes, he was a puppet made from a dead body. The first and only one she had made, thanks to Sasori.

They swam in the air around the four until, sensing someone behind her, the girl smirked and made the puppet and clones let the jutsu go. Then, the clones splashed out as well.

"Good work, Aya. That's one more clone than yesterday." Sasori stepped out from the shadows of the trees. He was in his puppet of his own body. Aya wasn't her real name. It was what she told them to call her. She refused repeatedly to divulge her real name.

"Finally got the signs right, too. Hard work controlling the fingers when you're not in the puppet yourself," she looked up at the redhead. She was older than he looked, younger than he was. She was half of his size, too.

Makoto walked up next to her. They were the same height. It irked her, though, that the puppet looked older than her.

"So, any missions for you and Dei? Am I being sent along with Itatchi and Kisame? What?" She asked.

"No, no missions unless you want to tag along with the zombie duo." His voice was plain and devoid of emotion – she supposed that puppets couldn't have emotions.

"Ah. That sucks, I bet they've left already. Hidan hates it when I stab him. He's immortal, though – to him, it's probably like a poke ..." Aya grumbled under her breath. No one knew that all of her emotions were faked, that in reality she was broken and dying inside. She stalked away to her room.

She didn't come out for a week. No one went in to try and talk to her. Not even Deidara, who she often helped with exploding things, nor Itatchi or Kisame, who were her partners and closest friends in the Akatsuki. Konan, her only female friend, didn't even think to check on her.

When Aya did come out, it was only because the hideout was infiltrated and no one even saw her as she helped eradicate the building of vermin.

Another week passed, then another and another. No one noticed the small insects she had killed and turned into puppets spying on them.

She heard several things that really hurt her.

"Aya? Oh, that fucking bitch that keeps stabbing me. Why would I care where the fuck she is?" Hidan. She only did it so he'd notice her. She wanted to learn about Jashin, become a Jashinist like him. It was the only way she could think of.

"She's probably starving in there. Baka." Itatchi. Baka? What had she ever done to him? She had purposely made sure she knew about what was happening with his brother and relayed him the information after she realised he really did care about Sasuke.

"At least, now she's stuck in her room no one's calling me a transvestite, yeah. I hate that." Deidara. She called him a transvestite as a term of endearment. He was one of her best friends in the Akatsuki, and she thought he might understand her twisted sense of humour.

"Yeah? Well she calls me Fishsticks! She deserves the starvation." Kisame. 'Fishsticks' was how she swore while around Kisame. She wasn't trying to irritate him or make him think of it as a horrible nickname.

"We aren't bipolar freaks. She is the freak." White Zetsu, with Black Zetsu in full agreement for once. She was in a bad mood because Hidan had just screamed at her that, "Little girls shouldn't stab Jashinists if they want to keep their dollies!" She didn't have dolls and she wasn't little, aside from her height, so she was offended and accidentally snapped at Zetsu. In reality, she thought his dual personality was amazing and really just wanted him to know that, but she slipped up and said the wrong thing.

"If she's too cowardly to come out here, go on mission and earn us money, why is she still even in the Akatsuki?" Kakuzu. He had never been nice to her, even when she gave him a lot of money that she had no use for to him for his birthday. Don't ask how she knew: it was an experience best left forgotten.

All she wanted was to be noticed, for someone to see how she was really just hurting inside and the happiness and practical jokes were a façade to make them look closer, see _her_, not who they thought was her.

Then came the one thing that broke her heart.

"She's just weak. I don't know why I taught her how to make puppets like mine; they're wasted on her." Sasori. The person she looked up to more than anyone. She had played down her powers so people would try and pick on her in battle. She thought if she used the weakest jutsu and made the cleverest plans, they might acknowledge her.

She didn't cry; she didn't know how. Why would she, if she kept everything bottled up all of her life?

She looked around the half of her room that was curtained off. No other member had come into this half since she owned it. There was exploding clay, shaped into mini figures of everyone in the group – the largest being Deidara, because that was his most famous pastime. Puppets in the shape of the members, with the biggest being Sasori – same reason. Money piles, origami, plants, Jashinist symbols – something to relate to every member.

Except herself. Why would she? She was nothing special. She was simply a girl that copied people and played pranks for attention. She wasn't good for anything. She was weak. She was useless.

So why stay? Why stay where she wasn't wanted?

Because she thought that, maybe, someone wanted her to stick around.

She was so naïve.

Why would anyone want _her_ to stick around?

So she decided that she may as well put everyone out of their misery.

Three weeks later, Konan felt decidedly guilty that she hadn't gone to check on her friend – for that was what Aya was to her.

So she knocked on Aya's door. "Aya? Can I come in?"

She waited, but she got no answer. So she walked in. And, though she wasn't known for screaming, scream is what she did.

Confused, the rest of the Akatsuki members, including Pein, the leader, came to Aya's room where they heard Konan's scream.

"Konan? Why are you screaming, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Aya ..." she whispered, her wide eyes only for the blood drenched curtain and the body beyond it.

The half of the room everyone was allowed in was normal. The other half …

Aya's body lay on the floor, a bloody kunai in her hand and a large red slit in her throat. There was a tiny smile, an expression of relief on her face.

There were little notes next to her collections. They read the names of who she wanted them to go to. The figures, Deidara. The puppets, Sasori. The origami, Konan. The plants, Zetsu. Money, Kakuzu. Jashinist symbols, Hidan. A detailed sketch of the Sharingan with her detailed description of what it was and what it did, Itatchi. A goldfish in a bowl, Kisame, with an added mentioning of his name being Fishsticks.

Makoto lent against the wall behind Aya's body. He and the dead girl both shared a bloody tear drop streaked down their cheeks. Above his head, in handwriting that was easily recognised to be Aya's, was a message she wrote with her own blood.

_ I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real. I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long. I wanna feel like I'm close to something real. I wanna find something I've wanted all along. Somewhere I belong._

_ I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. So where is there to go?_

_ I'm sorry I irritated you all. I'm sorry I made you miserable._

_ Hidan. I only stabbed you to try and get your attention, to try and tell you I wanted to be a Jashinist like you. I want you to know, now, that you can tell me all about it, when you eventually die, while I continue to stab you like I used to._

_ Itatchi. The information I gave you was to try and make you see. You are suffering. I was suffering. You never made the connection._

_ Deidara. Transvestite was just my way of expressing the fact that you were one of my best __friends with my twisted sense of humour. You just thought I was mocking you._

_ Kisame. 'Fishsticks' was never your nickname. It was the way I tailored my swear words around you. You didn't understand._

_ White and Black Zetsu. I never thought of you as a freak. Your split personalities were one of my favourite things about you, and your plant was one of the more amazing reasons for being an outcast. I never meant to snap at you. You never realised._

_ Kakuzu. You never spoke a kind word to me, even when I gave you all of that money for your birthday. I don't know what I did to make you so rude to me, but I am ready to forgive and forget._

_ Konan. Why did you not visit me? I suspect it will be you who finds me. I apologize if I ever offended you._

_ Sasori. I was not weak until the day I retreated to here. I underplayed my abilities to confuse opponents so I could win by pure strategy. You never acknowledged this._

_ I have little more to say. Why did no one look past my mask? My cover? I am not happy. I never was. I played pranks for attention, thinking that maybe then someone would see past it. No one did._

_ And one more thing. Why? Why am I not good enough? Why am I not good enough for you to want me to stick around? Why do you all want me to leave?_

_ Well, I am leaving now. I hope it makes you happy. I hope ... I hope it makes you see. Makes you remember to always, always look beneath the underneath._

_ My name is Yukiko, and it is not the snow version of the name. My name is eternal irony. My name is no longer my own. I entrust it to you._

There was a stunned silence as everyone read over the words on the wall.

Then, the spirit of Yukiko simply watched as they all bowed their heads – except Pein, the leader, which was to be expected – and murmured their apologies.

_ "I forgive you," _her voice echoed as she was suddenly gone. Gone to somewhere she belonged.


End file.
